Putting the Ass in Assignment

There's a reason for my lengthy absence. I haven't had much of a desire to write about the brain lately, not because I am sick of the subject but because I've spent the past week writing a 3000 word article on my experience. When I first was asked to do it, I jumped at the opportunity. I thought about sharing the ups and downs would help me to regain my focus. I hoped it would help me find that desire to change the person that this injury is turning me into.

Turns out, all it helped me do was realize how hard it is to condense a near death experience and a major recovery into 3,000 words. I've read over the draft numerous times. I think it is bland and contrived. I now question my ability to write. I am beginning to think that another symptom has reared its ugly head. My new symptom is my inability to expound on a single thought, or idea. I don't have it. I try to jot ideas down but I can barely make it past a few words before I move on to another subject.

I'm rushing through it again. Not just this recovery but my life. I rushed through what should have been the deepest and most personal piece of writing I will ever be asked to do. I rushed through it because ideas, chores, and future articles became the priority. I now find myself more out of control than I have ever been. And change to me is just another word, an impossible feat that I fear will always be unrealized. I want my mind back. I want control of my thoughts. I can't stand not having it. I can't stand this place I am at...In the upcoming days, I will stress over the response to my recent submission. It will probably turn out better than expected. I wouldn't be surprised if it doesn't. I'll let you know.