Headthrob

Pain has changed since the fall. I rarely ever had headaches before, maybe after a night of debauchery, I would wake to a constant throb. Things have changed. I have changed. For two days now, my head has ached. The ache comes from deep inside my skull, behind my eyes. Each throb seems to exit from my scar.

Yesterday, I attributed the pain to my action packed weekend. Today, I attribute it to the past two days I've spent writing a long article for the paper I write for. I stress over the articles. Each time I feel my confidence wane, my focus disappear.

I even tried to meditate today thinking it might help. I used a 10-minute relaxation disc that a therapist gave me at rehab. I fell asleep after a few minutes, after the man's deep voice began repeating "delicious energy" over and over again. When I awoke, the headache was still there. Luckily, the man's voice was not.

I told Aimee about the relentless throbbing. She became worried. She called the house several times from work. It makes me feel so weak. I can't stand complaining about minor aches and pains. I hate the vulnerability that this injury has left. I can't stand the fact that at times I start believing they are much more than just a minor headache, or sinus pressure. I start thinking it might be something bigger. I start thinking the intracranial pressure has returned and blood has found its way back on my brain. All from a headache.

Like I've said before, no one, has ever told me what to expect from this. No one has said a headache is still a headache. Fatigue is just fatigue. I wish there was some hint as to what the following months will bring, because I'm beginning to be sickened by the ups and downs. They said recovery will take years, it scares me to think it's only been four months.