Life In The Slow Lane...
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San Diego, CA, United States
This is a commentary about the slow lane, about the slowing of time since I suffered a severe brain injury while skateboarding with my dog. This is a blog about recovery; about our '82 VW Westfalia. It's about writing, surfing, camping, married life, bleeding ulcers that make you feel old at 32; about family, friends, and my dog Artie; it's about cruising in fourth gear, getting passed by every car and learning to appreciate every second of it.

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

More Reviews From A Lame Brain

I'm back, ready to review more movies. I also decided to throw in a television reviews as well, just because I am generous and I care. Now that I am back off the wagon, I fear I won't be watching as many movies and bad reality TV as before. Most of my nights will probably be spent in the bar, chatting it up with some stranger about sports, literature, it's been so long I don't know what they talk about at bars, but I'm going to find out.

First up; I'll start with some movies.

The other night I watched the newest X Men release; Wolverine. Lame. There's something about Liev Schrieber that has always bothered me. I found out he irks me even more when he's trying to be some roided up rodent. Now that I am not swallowed up by a debilitating daze each and every night, movies, especially action flicks, don't have the same affect on me. There was a time when my brain was so slow that I was sweating to GI Joe and the newest Transformers movie. It's not the case anymore. Wolverine was the first time in two months I wasn't marveled by the special effects. For that, but mostly because I can't stand Liev Schrieber, I give this flick one neuron out of a possible four.

Next up: Taking Woodstock. This was so bad that I felt the bulge on the side of my head grow with each ridiculous scene, and with each word the protagonist's mother uttered. This film gets no neurons.

Last in line: Four Christmases. I held my pick for the night, It Might Get Loud- a music documentary featuring Jimmy Page, Jack White, and The Edge, and Aimee's pick- a holiday knee-slapper, Four Christmases, behind my back. She picked the left arm, the one holding the holiday flick where hilarity was supposed to ensue but never did. Sure I laughed a few times at Vince Vaughn's delivery- each time I laughed Aimee reminded me it was her pick- overall, I thought it was pretty slow, weak, just another romantic comedy with all the same jokes set to Christmas music. Sadly enough, this film also received one neuron, even with Vince Vaughn's delivery.

Now onto television. It's hard to believe that on the night my doctor told me I could have a beer, I was inside on the same chair I've been on for two months straight, watching a lame holiday comedy and then following it up with the latest episode of the Bad Girls Club. It's equally hard to believe that Aimee was allowed to choose not only the movie but also which program to watch.

For those of you who don't know, Bad Girls Club is a reality show where seven slutty, drunk, vulgar, and sloppy females occupy the same house. Great premise, you say. Well, it's not. Since the fall there have been times when I was convinced I lost some intelligence, never more so than after watching this show. These girls fight and scream the entire time. Out of a possible four neurons, I give this a one and a half.

Stay tuned for more Reviews From A Lame Brain. Next installment I will review It Might Get Loud, Up In The Air, and for TV, Steven Seagal's Lawman.


  1. i think that schrieber is a decent character actor that has yet to be cast in something really special (altho, i liked what he did direction wise with everything is illuminated...and no, i am not liev schrieber).

    but i feel that i should highlight this one fantastic moment. the ten is no wet hot american summer, but it does have its moments...this is easily one of the funniest things I've ever seen. and when the bonnie kicks in? it just gets weirder:

  2. I admit, old Liev did a good job on Everything Is Illuminated, and on The Hurricane, and he did a decent job on Wet Hot American Summer. But scanning over his filmography, I'm not too impressed; with films like Twilight, Scream, and Taking Woodstock, it's hard to argue the other side. Overall, as an actor I give Liev one damaged neuron, as a director maybe one and a half.

  3. You have been waiting to give Taking Woodstock a bad review since before it came out. Why did you bother watching it, I wonder?

    On my flight to DC they were showing that Christmas movie. I wasn't even wearing the headphones but just having it on the screen annoyed me.

    Last night when I was falling asleep in bed I though "fuck. D is going to blog about how his jack ass friends were trying to talk him out of riding his bike."

    I'm a little scared for your responses, always.

  4. I did give Taking Woodstock a chance, sure, I had an idea it was going to be lame, but I gave it a chance, probably because I had nothing better to do. AS for the bike issue, you're right you will be hearing a bit more on that in time! When you least expect it. Thanks for coming last night!