I know, I've been absent for a while. This past month has been filled with me filling prescription, prescribed to ease the symptoms and provide a little push during my recovery. During that time, I've been on Zoloft, Lexapro, and Adderall. There have been ups and downs during my search for the right drug.
The Zoloft provided the needed Seratonin that doctors said my brain now fails to produce. And while it leveled my moods, improved my new OCD's, and eased my rage, it depleted my energy, and depleted my stomach of all contents the moment I swallowed the pill. It put me in a permanent stupor.
I switched to Lexapro. For the first week I was a mess. I acted crazy, and felt a rush after taking the pill. But after getting used to it, I am more awake than I was on Zoloft. I feel better about myself, my moods have improved.
And then there's the Adderall. Crazy drug. Has me waxing cars in fifteen minutes, doing work in the yard at a frenetic pace, and writing fifteen-hundred word articles in a day. But then there's the crash. The crash is hard and miserable for everyone around me.
And that is my little prescription drug cocktail. A month in, I haven't been convinced that it's the right thing to do. I've always been reluctant of taking drugs, at least prescription drugs. They are expensive and have strange side effects. But then there's the other side, the fact that I actually feel the most normal since the injury. I don't think about the injury, about my deficits, nearly as much. I am able to focus on tasks. I don't obsess about things, nor do I have those lingering thoughts that won't escape now matter how hard I try and make them.
It's strange coming to the realization that for now, drugs are the only way I am going to feel normal.
13 years ago
Dorian,
ReplyDeleteI know how you feel - from a wife's point of view anyway. Kurt has to take meds to counteract meds and then meds to counteract those meds. It's insane. Since his neck and back surgery he has daily pain medication he will take the rest of his life (permantly damaged nerves), antidepressants to keep him from jumping off a cliff because of the pain and the possible suicidal tendencies the pain drugs may cause, and blood pressure medication to control his BP due to pain and the steriods in his other medications. His morning breakfast looks like a handful of geriatric Lucky Charms. You will get used to it - it sucks for sure, but if it helps to bring back a sense of normality it's worth it.
Yeah, it's strange having to weigh the pros and cons. I'd say Kurt has it way worse, that sounds like a crazy cocktail and then there's the pain to go along with it.
ReplyDeleteI guess it's how you look at it (people's problems and all) I definitely feel for you... it's hard to get used to taking pills on a daily basis - just ask me.. that's why I have three children... hahahah...
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