Brain Wreck

"Clap your hands everybody...Now everybody clap your hands. We're Lambda Lambda Lambda and Omega Mu...And we come here on stage tonight to do our show for you..." After I finished singing these lines from Revenge Of The Nerds and after doing my best impression of Lamar, I caught myself. Aimee laughed and then asked if I was all right, if I was looped up on Vicodin.

"No, my voluptious vixen, my dazzling damsel, my beautiful bird, I feel the music in my soul."

"You just answered my question," she said.

She was right. Since filling my prescription to ease the sting of the thirteen staples and dozens of stitches on my head and to slow the throbbing from the right side of my face, the pain killer's affect on my personality is evident.

The highs usually show up in song. This morning I found myself singing "On Top Of Old Smokey" while staring into the bathroom mirror. The night before I sang Meatloaf's "Anything" out loud to Aimee before trying it on my dog, Artie. These are the highs when I'm dancing through the living room like Billy Elliot.

The lows are much different. There's no strength for melody, not much strength for anything. There's just enough for brief fits of rage, times when the most insignificant occurrences can set me off.

Yesterday, my mom, in town for my surgery, brought a plate of tacos to my residence on the couch.

"Remember your jaw, take small bites," she said trying to remind me about my swollen and aching jaw.

As I took my first bite, AImee told me again to take small bites. She said the one I took was too big. I snapped.

"I don't want to hear it," I yelled. "I know how to eat. I know what hurts and what doesn't. I'm the one that feels the pain, not you."

She fell silent and stared down at her computer screen. Minutes later, after I regained some of the energy lost during my outrage, I apologized.

"It's okay, I could tell you were crashing," she said.

Crashing is right. And crashing for me is unavoidable, something I can't help. Too bad for her, for my brother, and for my mom, they have to be strapped in the front seat for impact.