Life In The Slow Lane...
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San Diego, CA, United States
This is a commentary about the slow lane, about the slowing of time since I suffered a severe brain injury while skateboarding with my dog. This is a blog about recovery; about our '82 VW Westfalia. It's about writing, surfing, camping, married life, bleeding ulcers that make you feel old at 32; about family, friends, and my dog Artie; it's about cruising in fourth gear, getting passed by every car and learning to appreciate every second of it.

Friday, June 24, 2011


Elliott Smith is playing in the background. I listen to him on my dark days, I have since I was a teenager. Back then I used to put his music on when I was bummed out about a girl, or just bummed out about life. Today, I listen to him to remind myself of those times when I could control my emotions, my thoughts. Back when I had a choice. Today, that choice is gone and I spend days like today trying and make sense of senseless outbreaks. On these days, I wonder if it's possible to make relationships work and how long it will take for someone to find something or someone better. I wonder how I can change but don't find any easy remedies.

Lately I've been thinking about people that have been hurt or sick and have overcome their ailment or injury. Those people do good things. They try and make some kind of difference. But mostly, they appreciate all that surrounds them.

I'm not like them. I never have been one of those people. But, I never had to overcome anything major until now. The first time around, I'd say I was failing; falling into an abyss that I'm not sure I can climb out of.

In the past year and a half, I heard stories and met people who were further along in their recovery. Some of them talked about separation from their wives or husbands, from family members, troubles at work, suicidal thoughts, and an unrelenting depression. I am beginning to see a pattern and now I find myself checking one after another off the list.


  1. If this is true then you need to change everything that you do. No one can stop you from checking that list but yourself and trying to live the same life you had before just is not possible. You two need to start a new life together, a life after the accident.
    Yost "your like a brother to me" Beef

  2. Reading your post makes me want to have a beer with you, swearing on the world, being irresponsible and well, celebrating moments of self-pity. Looking at people you believe did overcome their drama, puts so much pressure on yourself. Just let it out. Forget them. They fuck things up too and cry at night, not feeling half that strong we think they do. Be what you are, what you feel, mo matter if you understand. It is all part of the story, it is beeing.

  3. Thanks Yost Beef. And Annton, you are so right. If you're ever in san Diego, lets have that beer!